We are spending a large percentage of our administrative budget on accounting services to process the withholding, FICA, social security and other federal government programs that deduct taxes directly from your paychecks and require us to forward that money to multiple agencies within the government.
We have also been mandated to buy additional accounting computer programs to keep up with the rising state sales taxes as well as the city taxes placed on sales of our products that hide the cost of these taxes on the price we must charge our customers.
As a cost savings measure that will allow us to raise your salary and lower our price for our customers, we are starting a new two-fold program.
1. Your paycheck will be computed as a gross amount to provide you with the opportunity to send any money the government has requested from your salary directly from you to the government. This will allow you to monitor the effect of the tax legislation passed by the politicians you voted for.
We have consulted with our tax attorney and confirmed that the cost of the envelopes and stamps you use to send the money to the government will be tax deductible.
2. Sales tax computations will be eliminated by simply making all sales data available to any government entity so that they can determine the tax owed by our customer when they purchase a product deemed taxable by that government entity. We will implement this program by imprinting the contact information on each sales receipt to enable the customer to contact the government entity involved in order to pay the tax.
This new sales tax accounting program will allow us to publish the actual price of our product rather than a price inflated by any tax legislation. We will also no longer be required to buy a license from the taxing entity they require for us to collect these taxes.
We will also require any audit of our sales receipts to be done after hours and at a cost to the government agency tracking customers who may not have paid the sales tax directly or timely. We will also remind the government agency requesting an audit of our sales information that the information is also available at Facebook, Google and various intelligence agencies better equipped to gather this information.
The cost savings we have calculated from this new program will also allow us to offer a new benefit for our employees. We will begin offering free samples of our products to you, your family and friends as a benefit that will not be subject to any tax. Each employee will be issued a voucher in the amount of the savings we have determined. This voucher can also be exchanged for cash, bartered or sold on eBay. Our tax attorney has suggested that this is not earned income thus not subject to taxation.
For our California employees, please note that recent legislation that tax the company’s profits in that state has been drafted according to size of the company. We are now in the process of reforming our California locations into separate and smaller units that will be listed within the lowest corporate tax table. Those additional savings will be added to the new voucher program.
Our accounting department will not suffer from this drastic reduction of complicated programs. Instead, their expertise will be a welcome addition to our Human Resources department where they will search for and implement new benefits that will continue to reward your loyalty to our company.
Finally, we would like to share a letter from The White House that has asked for your support of a new initiative they will be proposing:
Move Election Day to April 1st
It’s a fitting holiday to honor politicians.
It’s also two weeks before they demand your hard earned money.
(signed)
S. R. Casm